Birthday's are hard

You would think I would be used to this by now. I spent the last birthday with my mother three years ago. My son moved to Hawaii with the Army and is fixing to spend his second birthday protecting our freedom from Iraq. Last year he was home; but home is Hawaii.

This birthday is so different....

August is a month to celebrate in my family. My brother, sister, granddaughter, and myself all celebrate birthday's in August. This year I've been to an army party for my grandson Colten, Bengals party for Michael, and most recently a Dora party for Kensley.

And I wonder....

Today while painting the room which will be Joseph and Jacob's bedroom I found myself singing the song I often sang during David's first deployment. You see, sometime during the month of August my baby boy Jacob Yabsera turned one year old. I have missed so much of his young life and today causes me to wonder. Did someone remind him of that day a year ago when his mother celebrated his birth? Did he have a birthday celebration? Did someone tell him just how special he is and sing Happy Birthday to You. I wonder this for both of my boys whose real birthdays I may never know. At least for Jacob I know the month; for Joseph I may never have that luxury.

I can't wait to hold these little ones in my arms; to count their fingers and toes; to listen to those belly laughs that can only come from children; to breathe the very essence of them. I can't wait to spend a lifetime of birthdays celebrating their lives.

Yet, for now I wait and I wonder....

Somewhere out there beneath the pale moonlight
Someone's thinking of me and loving me tonight

Somewhere out there someone's saying a prayer
That we'll find one another in that big somewhere out there

And even though I know how very far apart we are
It helps to think we might be wishing on the same bright star

And when the night wind starts to sing a lonesome lullaby
It helps to think we're sleeping underneath the same big sky

Somewhere out there if love can see us through
Then we'll be together somewhere out there
Out where dreams come true