Be careful what you ask for

Something my mother told me many years ago, yet a lesson I so frequently forget. We had recently been challenged at church to "put our yes on the table." Okay, no problem I thought. I can give to the sending church campaign without effort and tithing had become a part of my life. Yet there was something more. As I always do I spent that evening praying, this time for God to bring the joy back into my heart (hence the blog title). Still reeling emotionally from the loss of my mother, overwhelmed by school, and with new job opportunities on the horizon, I felt like life had become way to routine with far too few pleasures involved. Yes, I did what I wanted when I wanted, but something was missing.

In November 2009 God answered that prayer in a way I never saw coming. As I watched a video in church I heard myself saying out loud "but I don't even know how to wash his hair." You see that little boy was from Ethiopia. It was at that moment that I first saw Joseph. I still don't know how to explain that vision, but this tugging at the heart strings to find my son was strong. I had previously felt the call to help orphans but as I am so good at doing had told God to wait. This time was different and there was no turning back. I told my girls at lunch that I thought I was supposed to adopt and shared the experience. I was met with pure excitement and a second look of "wow, Mama has lost her mind." Lost my mind....no. Found my purpose and finally following God's plan...definitely yes.

Classes began soon after to make sure I knew what I was in for but I knew. I argued with God with every ounce of my being as I began the application process. I had seen each of my children become successful adults and was at a place in life set for retirement in 20 or so years. Yet every argument was met with a reason which equally said it wasn't about me. In one of my weakest moments when Satan was telling me again that I couldn't possibly do this, and on the morning of my first home study, I prayed that if I had heard God wrong he should stop the process on that day. Before the words were completely out of my mouth my phone rang and it was Sue from CCI. I had been moved to the top of her list for adoptive parents desiring boys. I laughed as I was reminded of just how good God is at providing answers to our deepest fears. Just recently I saw Joseph for the first time; but not really. See, this is the child I was shown many months ago on that morning in church. The beauty is that God didn't reveal his plan in its fullness as Joseph comes with a little brother, Jacob!!

Many have been encouraging and many have been brutally honest with negative comments. My favorite is still "what if you die?" Well this I can tell you. The one guarantee in life with 100% certainty is that unless Christ chooses to return first, I will. In the meantime my life will be filled with joy beyond measure as these boys born in another place and to another mother join their forever family. Joseph Tyler, 3 years and Jacob Yabsera who is turning 1 this month...Mama will soon be there for you.