Wednesday, January 9, 2013

In the Silence

Tick tock tick tock....that is all I seem to hear in the stillness of this night. There is soft breathing coming from adjoining rooms of two little boys dreaming sweet dreams of their day, there is pink glaring at me from the new bedroom with a desire to be filled. There is silence. Even my prayers are silent as I find myself with each passing day filled with doubt and wondering why. The still of the night can be cruel as Satan takes his opportunity to fill my heart with questions. I thought I knew about adoption having experienced it once. I thought I knew....yet I find more each day that there is little resemblance in this experience to the journey I have previously walked. There is no predictability and I am growing restless with the lack of progress. Just prior to Christmas I received a phone call from the Embassy in the DRC to email for further instructions. The automated reply read a response would be sent within 5-10 business days, yet nothing. Word of I600 followed that same week. Last week I received mail telling me the girl's VISA applications had been forwarded to the DRC embassy. Now I wait for the coveted invitation for travel, for an Embassy appointment to take place, for a medical examination of two girls I know to not be well, for my VISA to be requested and received, and finally for travel. This is exhausting! I am reminded of a very similar experience over 30 years ago as I waited anxiously for my daughter Kathy to make her appearance. As I filled my days with busy work and prepared for her arrival I longed to hold her, to see her face and touch her toes. I wondered if I would know how to be her Mama but I longed to spend the rest of my life learning how. Now as I wait for Rebecca and Abigail I chuckle. Who would have dreamed that this many years later I would be waiting on the arrival of child six and seven! I remember when I began this adoption that I hoped for two years with the boys home. Well, that too has passed. I had a good heart to heart with God the other night and asked why the girls continue to wait and realized it is because I am not yet ready. The expansion on my house remains incomplete and God knows it would make me crazy to leave here without everything in order. I am reminded that God's timing is not my own nor are his ways my ways. I know without a shadow of a doubt that the timing for homecoming will be perfect and as God ordained. Even so as I get called for the fourth time to Jacob's bed for hugs and kisses at bedtime I pray that someone tucked by daughters in just a few short hours ago. I pray that they are learning a bit of trust in their new environment and that they might begin to know of love. I pray that God would send his angels to free them from pain, to protect their physical, spiritual, and emotional being from further harm. I pray and I ask that you join me. Pray for patience as I wait. Pray for a swift homecoming. Pray for the boys as their world is fixing to be rocked beyond their comprehension. Pray for me as I learn to parent two children with a past I know nothing of but a future I am certain of. Thanks for hanging with me on this journey! My next update WILL be of travel. Until then...

1 comment:

  1. Patience is hard. I like your ability to recognise opposition trying to fill your mind with doubt, hold steadfast, you're saving children, and sometimes we feel like it should be easier because of the sacrifice given to very good causes, but it seems God knows better and gives us what we can do. Awaiting news of your families togetherness soon, many prayers and lots of love.