Tuesday, May 20, 2014

Breaking the Silence-I Press On

Not quite sure how it happened that nearly a year and a half has passed since I last updated.  I believe one of the last things I said was that the next time I wrote that I would be traveling to bring Abby and Becca home from the Congo.  Oh how I wish that were true!  I have a hard time understanding why they continue to wait.  But then, it’s not mine to understand on this side.  You know the song by Casting Crowns AlreadyThere?  Yep, that’s where I am in so many areas of life.  I like to know.  I like to be in control.  But goodness isn't it fun to look back at life events and see just how they fit!  Like 2007.  My Mom passed away in June.  My career took a different path a month later as a result of that loss.  Soon I was back in college getting my Master’s Degree and two years later advanced further in my professional career.  All of this so that when God called me to adopt in 2010 I was in a place both personally and financially to say yes!  Too cool! 
Last year when my career came to a sudden halt I thought I had God figured out.  I thought the months I was given in severance was for me to get the girls home and adjusted…and I praised him.  Then as the time drew to an end I thought it had to have been about giving me time to get Jacob through a rough period with a new diagnosis of ADHD and mood disorder.  Time for appointments, time for medication adjustments, time just to be with him…and I praised him.  Just as I thought I had it and began to apply for jobs anticipating whatever the new normal would be, I fell over/into the boys power wheel while flying kites and broke my dominant arm and am left unable to work for a few months longer.
So now, with applications out for unemployment and food stamps, with requests to defer payment on this and that…in the midst of so much uncertainty as I reflect on where I was to where I am….maybe now I get it.  I suppose as most of us do, it’s at those times when I am broken (this time literally and figuratively) that I lean fully on my Savior and stop trying to figure it out.  Through it all I have known that God has a plan and I look forward to the day it becomes clear.  For now, I rest in his will that I am right where he wants me to be.  I relish the time with the boys and anticipate the time with the girls.  I eagerly await a new career, even if it takes a different path.  I rejoice in time to just be available for family and friends.  I have found such peace in just being in his presence and leaving tomorrow in his hands.
There is so much more I could say but for now I will end with words from a new favorite song and a promise to update on my precious boys soon.  
Doesn't matter where I’m going if I’m going with you.  I press on.
 (Building 429, I Press On).

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